Almost hilariously bad training advice

Posted by Raz on Jun 4th, 2012
Jun 4

I was just sent a link to a new membership parrot site, canned variety, where for just $10.99 you can get access to SECRET information like this preview!

How to tame your parrot

Taming your parrot is the first step towards training it. Taming your parrot includes making it comfortable in your presence and in its surroundings so that it doesn’t aggressively resist training. Our membership site tells you the secrets of taming your parrot. Here are a few pointers.

[You don’t want your parrot to resist training aggressively. Resisting passively requires less first aid.]

  • Clip its wings…
  • [Of course the first thing you want to do is make your bird totally dependent on you and unable to get away.]

  • Praise and reward it every now and then…
  • [Just every now and then. Avoid making it systematic or having any logic behind it because you might inadvertently teach him some behaviors.]

  • Carry it around your house or garden. Initially, wear protective gloves when handling your parrot…
  • [Don’t forget the protective gloves! Your bird can’t fly, so if he wants to tell you he’s had quite enough carrying around thank-you-very-much he will probably bite you, and then you won’t be able to keep carrying him around.]

  • Keep other pets at a safe distance from the parrot…
  • [Your parrot might fall off your hand and bite them, and they aren’t wearing protective gloves.]

  • If it behaves aggressively or bites, don’t shout or punish. A firm ‘no’, over time, does the trick…
  • [You would not want to punish under any circumstances, because by definition ‘punishment’ is anything that will decrease a behavior, so be careful that you say ‘no’ in a tone the parrot finds pleasant. Eventually he will realize that no matter what he does, you’re not going to stop carrying him around the freaking house and he’ll just give up.]

  • Let it roam around the house on its own at times. Just make sure it is safe…
  • [I personally recommend protective 4-toed gloves]

  • Introduce your parrot to other family members…
  • [Suggested introduction: YOU: “Parrot, this is Sally.” SALLY: “Pleased to meet you.”]

On the positive side, almost everything is spelled correctly.